Loving, When You Don’t Even Like Someone

Hospitality when you'd rather avoid it

I heard something unusual at an education conference years ago. The speaker told us she’d been approached by a teacher asking her. “What do you do when you have a student that you just don’t like?” As I glanced around the room, it was clear that the question resonated with the audience that day. We’d all had students whose behavior or personal mannerisms fit poorly with our way of conducting classroom business. And I, for one, recognized that it wasn’t just in the classroom where I had encountered someone “I don’t like.”  I waited expectantly for the speaker to acknowledge the awkward mandate to serve those we really would prefer to avoid.

“I had to think about this question for a while before I answered,” the speaker continued. “But as I considered the question it became clear to me that we don’t get to dislike people on company time.”

Company Time

The conference speaker reminded the educators in her audience that professional responsibility requires them to bring out the best in every student and to advocate for their success. Personal feelings, though recognized, are set aside in service to the greater good.

For a teacher, company time is clearly defined by the school day. But I’m wondering what company time means for me as I try to live my faith fully in the world around me.

As we round the corner into the last quarter of 2024, I’m feeling wary about the US election, wars overseas, and difficulties that threaten the wellbeing of my family and community.  My guarded demeanor increases when I encounter those that seem responsible for my vulnerability, whether I see them face to face or on TV.

It's easy to see these people as barriers to my peace. I may need to live with them on some level but let me at least admit that I don’t like them. But I’m wondering, what are my responsibilities to them, and when am I on company time?  

Letters to the first Christians spelled out the task before them. Encourage one another (I Thessalonians 5:11), love your neighbor as yourself (James 2:8), and use your gifts in service to others (I Peter 4:9). Paul admonished the Roman church to use all their available resources to live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18). And Peter reveals the timeframe in which his readers at to “love each other deeply.”

Peter warns, “The end of all things is near, therefore…”

This passage from I Peter 4:7-10 took on clarity for me when I saw the title of Elizabeth Oldfield’s latest newsletter, “Soul work for the ‘end of the world’?  Set the table.” She contrasts Peter’s instructions with the survivalist instincts that most of us would choose. Did Peter say to hoard a year’s worth of canned goods, build a bunker with room for just your family, buy weapons? No, he tells his readers to love deeply, practice hospitality and serve others without grumbling. In other words, if the world is coming to an end, do the soul work of building up a love for your neighbor and invite them for dinner.

Embrace Hospitality

We are surrounded by alarmist messages everywhere. And it would be hard to argue that the world isn’t a dangerous place. The question is, how should we respond when facing this danger?  When I consider neighbors that criticize me, or politicians that stir up controversy, it’s easy to conclude, “I don’t like those people.”  It’s much harder to set a table and ask God for the grace to embrace hospitality.

I believe that living out my faith to the full asks me to both extend positive regard for those I avoid, and to protect my own spirit from exaggerated reproach and bitter judgment. If my adversary needs constraint and accountability, God ‘s eternal wisdom will lead the way. As for me, I want my rejection of evil to move me toward service to the oppressed and partnership with God’s work in robust peacemaking.

When is a Christian on company time?

No one has a guaranteed time available. Today is the day to act. This is the time we have. With the knowledge that the end of all things is near -  whether because our own time is limited or by the end of the world as we know it - how will we respond? By making sure the world respects us? By mandating that everyone follows our principles for living? By admonishing our children to make better decisions?  By criticizing other’s choices?

Or by praying, loving deeply, and offering hospitality without grumbling?